I'm not old get it I am not live with it

We are not old... get it through you head. We look at ourselves in the mirror every day. Wash or shave off the scruff and see some gray-white hair or a light wrinkle. AHHH, not. This doesn't mean we old. Some of us adults, our age is not who we are our minds are full of thought and inventive thinking. Macgyver is a great example, there is nothing in this world that can't be challenged. I know it was a drama on TV. But the message was clear, the writer got it right. It's the concept of getting out of things or getting in that make you a step above the societies judgmental cronies.

It's great that some of us adults can still relate to generations that are younger then us. How we can hang with high school and young adults starting there path to the world. We can still relate to there feelings and queries. It's cool when one young adult ster can come to me and say; your cool I like having you around. Your real. Both young men and woman have payed me the honorable compliment that I feel I don't really deserve. We relate to them to the best of our ability because honestly no one really ever related to our feelings or queries.

Oh Creator of the cells in my body and the skin on my bones hear the town cry er! Demanding justice. It's against the rules. You have to be a spiritual leader or a coach. teacher or all into sports or related thing of sort. And oh heaven forbid for a Man or woman, a parent themselves of the working class be friends with any females or male gender. It's not society's concept as being correct. You are automatically accused or actuated that your intentions are sexual or mischievous. You have no advise that you can possibly give a young girl or a guy. Your a adult with no certificate of valor. You have only one set in life, a piece or other wrong intentions or control...

Screw you all who think this malicious way. Get your head out of your ass or at least pull your self out of someone else who thinks that way. (No Homo) The creator of our sorry humanity I don't think that he expected such ignorance and witch hunting. As parents and adults we need to teach and related to the younger generation. Not give them discipline and what they are doing wrong. But give them the road map so they can at least have a chance to get on the right path. A lot of us adults are pathetic and self centered. Never thinking about what we do wrong or have done wrong would effect the generations to come.

Just because we choose to relate we are accursed or branded or crucified. Rumors and ignorant thoughts fill head around us. Though the accusers never thinking of there crimes. And those who have done such crimes of mis leading and other related situation to gain satisfaction of there own. Jump on the wagon and yell the loudest against us. Continue to accuse us, continue to say things about us. Call your militia and crowds for your witch hunt. Capture us and burn me at the stake. We will still live on in the minds of the younger, and how we  listened or gave advise. Or at least gave them alternatives instead of relating to the damn drugs or sex being the thing....

And when and if we make it to grandparent hood. We will still be young in mind and in heart and soul. Our bodies, We can't do anything about, except try to take care of them. Ha to all you idiots who hate us or just want us banished from this earth. We never asked you to like us or be our friends or anything of the sort. But don't be flippen jealous because we can't relate..... Ha....

I'm flippen so ugh that it just, you know....

What a flipped up day was going to something but I feel so ugh. Call me lazy or whatever. Never get help from family, any part at all. Complaining, yes I am. I have done my share of favors for the blood. Expectations when they are in need but according to them because I ended up with the house I was born in I am obligated to them. I owe them and its my duty. God people grow up. At astonishes me how in families you are expected to. Especially when your the youngest.

I have cleaned this house numerous times in my life and people can't understand it gets old. Even the ones I have brought into this world can not appreciate it. The scares my father has left on me and this mortgage I have inherited. Oh so easy my dear siblings. My thief and con artist. How quaint you would sell the organs from you own parents if it could make you the mighty buck. Harsh yes but see who you are.  My once sis who took care of me now expects me to be charitable, Took advantage and now holds God high. I can forgive but asking a lot to forget. And my second mother, demand er, never had a good thing to say about me. Follower of false accusations, and Expects me to jump but can't see that she is no better then I.

No hate just disappointment. To know that no matter what blood isn't always priority. I wish all there pride would somehow lower and they can see beyond there ignorant jealousy and realize that I am in the shit hole of life right behind them. This damn house means nothing its just another bill I ended up with that I didn't create. I better clean this house up soon before I get harassed some more. Its not to late to offer your help without me having obligations to you my dear blood.

Honestly it would be nice like my next door neighbors and others I have seen. Have a B.B.Q. and bring food as well as I make food here. Accept my friends and bring over your own. Talk, music, games whatever. Hell that wont happen in my family because I am cursed by my older siblings false accusations and rumors and jealousy of others. Sorry too you all my friend have been there for me. Like family. Its never too late for you my blood. Don't expect me to bent anymore unless you make the first move.

I love my family no matter what it doesn't mean I have to like them or expect them to love or like me....

Alarmed by past pushing through the web of broken

It's so damn depressing when things are still the same from the time you crash the pillow to the sudden wake by the your phones alarm clock. News of things you really don't want to hear and communicating with someone you called to get advise.

I am in a cycle of life that I want to get out of. It seems like its recycling only differences is that the days change. I am trying to find the exit to this damn ride that seems to keep rattling my brain. One thing on my mind is colors of past that seem to spectrum around my mind, what little I have left. Thoughts of crazier times. Remembering when a accusation was bestowed on me and it became a controversy. Never any proof just circumstantial and accusing.

It's how it played out was the hulk of damage. Rumors were spread among my clan that shares my blood by my mother or fathers side. By my oldest sibling he caused so cascade of bullshit. When he talks wars can happen, innocents can turn to murder. He talks trash so well he could have been a politician. What ever he said made fools of many people to believe what was not nor had proof of truth.

Lost and denied my cousin ship and my nephew ship with my clan. Some have come back to greet me back to the clan but there are still other who are sceptical and refuse to face reality that just maybe they were made a fool of. And then there are the ones who just didn't like me for not sure what reason, and still want to hold the noose over my head.

I have tried to get beyond this issue in my life but I can't completely wash it away. But if those who have been a witness to this wrong by my loving, caring brother....damn can you smell the bullshit even through the speakers of the computer. I will roll on.....

An other lovey day on the california cloud and blue sky

It's today or is tomorrow already. On the way to work not so surprising the ignorance that comes with the territory. 605 freeway traveling to work, I always notice there is another idiot on the phone. Yeah yeah its a law yeah I'm over and above that. That's why traffic is so far back and your going 60 miles while arguing with who ever. I was a car going 60 miles an hour I look to see the driver the ass wipe was texting couldn't even keep the damn car straight.

I have driven professionally A 24ft straight truck(bobtail) and I also am a Scooterist. Oh by the way I have driven motorcycles I do have a M1. I know the rules of the road and I have seen too many accidents Resulting is stupid ignorant people. Most who get hurt are innocent victims of the asshole who was talking or texting while driving. The real fracked up thing is they get away without a scratch! God have mercy on the victims. Just cause we live here in California doesn't mean you have to live up to the fracked up reputation everyone gives us from other states in the union.

I wasn't happy to be in the work place. To come in and find that I mistaken one size of merchandise for another. Guess I need to recollect my self and try harder. Today's orders were minor but in my part of the job is had a lot. Bulk and combining the materials together took me more time then I expected. Hope I wont have to hear it that I could have been more prompt. I do the best I can. As I always have and will.

Stress is getting thicker and thicker. I don't want to expire at my prime time. Like my last post, family is non existent when it comes to comfort. I am talking siblings not immediate family. My immediate is holding on somehow. But I feel its slipping. Got to get a grip somehow.....

The beginning of my personal blog, Its how I feel straight up...

This is the beginning of my personal blog. I have 3 other blogs that I express my feeling in, poetry and pros. Never really been plain and straight out about things. Hell it may bite me in the ass?? I want to begin with saying my life suck worse then a losing your self esteem. I am on the brink of losing my mind but somehow hanging on with a thread. My friends are what are keeping me somehow from falling off the edge of the cliff so to speak.

Oh oops I opened a door.... No doubt parts of my family my read this and get upset. Oh Flippen well. Its all about blood and what they want when they want it, yet when you need a hand or somethings all you hear is the crickets in the weeds. Or like the oldest in my family Con you then steal from you right as you back in turned. Oh my wait I'm not suppose to post that or anything like that I am talking about my family.
Hawk shit.

I was left with bills and responsibilities. some that weren't mine to begin with. Now I am told your to pay for everything cause you lived with our father and all that. Ok make sure you don't ever need a hand... Yeah right. I am over with that. If my siblings what me part of their lives then put your sorry anal guard down. I am not the one with the paranoids and false accusations. I was never like cause being the youngest you get spoiled well at least till I was about 12 or so.

Thats what I am feeling right now. Betrayed and I can smell the breath of the wolves at my front and back door. Funny how your own siblings can be so mean, jealous and blind. Go figure.