Alarmed by past pushing through the web of broken

It's so damn depressing when things are still the same from the time you crash the pillow to the sudden wake by the your phones alarm clock. News of things you really don't want to hear and communicating with someone you called to get advise.

I am in a cycle of life that I want to get out of. It seems like its recycling only differences is that the days change. I am trying to find the exit to this damn ride that seems to keep rattling my brain. One thing on my mind is colors of past that seem to spectrum around my mind, what little I have left. Thoughts of crazier times. Remembering when a accusation was bestowed on me and it became a controversy. Never any proof just circumstantial and accusing.

It's how it played out was the hulk of damage. Rumors were spread among my clan that shares my blood by my mother or fathers side. By my oldest sibling he caused so cascade of bullshit. When he talks wars can happen, innocents can turn to murder. He talks trash so well he could have been a politician. What ever he said made fools of many people to believe what was not nor had proof of truth.

Lost and denied my cousin ship and my nephew ship with my clan. Some have come back to greet me back to the clan but there are still other who are sceptical and refuse to face reality that just maybe they were made a fool of. And then there are the ones who just didn't like me for not sure what reason, and still want to hold the noose over my head.

I have tried to get beyond this issue in my life but I can't completely wash it away. But if those who have been a witness to this wrong by my loving, caring brother....damn can you smell the bullshit even through the speakers of the computer. I will roll on.....